Fireworks In His Pants

I guess it was more like a BOMB.

Remember how I said that getting baby drool in my mouth was grosser than having my hand pooped on? Well, I still stand by that. Even though Jonas just had the BIGGEST DIAPER BLOWOUT IN HISTORY. Dudes. There was poop on his back, on his front, on his legs, on his feet, on his hands. On my hands. On my chest. All up and down my shirt. On my arms. POOLS AND POOLS OF POOP.

Remember how I said he was overdue for a bath? His daddy did give him a bath last night, but today his momma gave him his first shower. There was so much POOP EVERYWHERE that I didn't know what to do besides both of us getting into the shower fully clothed. We, and all are clothes, are now de-pooped and smelling fresh. (And here's a hint: a previously lotioned and currently wet and soaped up baby is seriously slippery.)

At least we got through today's episode of "Valeria" first. Valeria's husband, Daniel, somehow went totally crazy and died. Before he died, though, he said something about wanting Valeria and Leopoldo (Hunk-On-The-Beach, who's really a lawyer at his father's law firm- the evil Senor Riquelme) to be happy together. So Daniel died, and Valeria's brother Alex died the day before. He had been bludgeoned to death with a giant rock by the 70's porn star wannabe that tends bar at The Pink Pony (a strip club) and somebody else. I didn't actually see that scene, but Jason did, bless him for watching Spanish soaps with me. We were traveling so I missed the episode that determined the fate of the diamond ring eating chicken. I did get to see this old man (a butler?) try to give the chicken back to the Ricky Martin-esque lifeguard, but the evil Miroslava Montemar (Fake Boobs) made the chicken run off. (I bring up the lifeguard because I think he may have impregnated Valeria's sister, who IS NOT the girl he was getting engaged to.) I don't know why Miroslava wanted to mess with the lifeguard's engagement because I thought her goal in life was to win the heart of Leopoldo and make Valeria miserable. So.....I either need to learn Spanish really quickly, or I need to figure out how to turn on the English closed captioning on the TV. I think learning Spanish might be easier.....