In Which I Release A Pain I've Carried For More Than Half My Life...

I went with Mom to her MS doctor's office today. One of the things that I saw as a bonus of quitting work to take care of Jonas was that I would be able to go to her appointments with her. It was a tough day for me. I was on the verge of tears more than once.

After eighteen years, the anger about Mom's MS has finally set in. I AM SO ANGRY THAT SHE HAS MS! I want to cry. I want to scream. I want the MS to magically- poof!- go away. I want to know why her? Why me? Why my family? What did any of us do to deserve this??? The MS is slowly changing her into another person- a self-centered, exhausted, angry, forgetful, flighty, wobbly old woman- and now, especially more than ever because of Jonas, I JUST WANT MY OLD MOMMY BACK. I want the Physics teacher creating new experiements out of crap laying around our house. I want the woman who drove two high school sophomores up to Lexington, to the University of Kentucky, just so they could maybe catch a glimpse of the basketball players they had crushes on. I want the woman who would "fish" off the front porch with her children on a rainy summer day. Who quilled and crocheted and hot-glued Christmas tree ornaments for the church bazaar and for at home. Who watched Star Wars marathons during Christmas break- everyday. Who used to paint her nails red, perfectly, and then curl up with a good book which would be read cover to cover lickety-split. Who, when I needed comfort, would scratch my arms and rub my ears in her special way for hours with her right hand. The hand that the MS has caused to tingle constantly for eighteen years. The hand that she CAN NO LONGER COMFORT ME WITH BECAUSE IT CAUSES HER PAIN.

I know I am SO LUCKY- I have a son; I just celebrated my 30th birthday; and I got to hear my son's first laugh on the day I celebrated Mom's 60th birthday with her. My mom knows who I am, and she remembers, for now anyway, all the really important stuff about my history and my present. But still, I am angry, and I think I have to grieve for the life that might have been had I never heard her say back in Summer '92:

"I have Multiple Sclerosis."

Fireworks In His Pants

I guess it was more like a BOMB.

Remember how I said that getting baby drool in my mouth was grosser than having my hand pooped on? Well, I still stand by that. Even though Jonas just had the BIGGEST DIAPER BLOWOUT IN HISTORY. Dudes. There was poop on his back, on his front, on his legs, on his feet, on his hands. On my hands. On my chest. All up and down my shirt. On my arms. POOLS AND POOLS OF POOP.

Remember how I said he was overdue for a bath? His daddy did give him a bath last night, but today his momma gave him his first shower. There was so much POOP EVERYWHERE that I didn't know what to do besides both of us getting into the shower fully clothed. We, and all are clothes, are now de-pooped and smelling fresh. (And here's a hint: a previously lotioned and currently wet and soaped up baby is seriously slippery.)

At least we got through today's episode of "Valeria" first. Valeria's husband, Daniel, somehow went totally crazy and died. Before he died, though, he said something about wanting Valeria and Leopoldo (Hunk-On-The-Beach, who's really a lawyer at his father's law firm- the evil Senor Riquelme) to be happy together. So Daniel died, and Valeria's brother Alex died the day before. He had been bludgeoned to death with a giant rock by the 70's porn star wannabe that tends bar at The Pink Pony (a strip club) and somebody else. I didn't actually see that scene, but Jason did, bless him for watching Spanish soaps with me. We were traveling so I missed the episode that determined the fate of the diamond ring eating chicken. I did get to see this old man (a butler?) try to give the chicken back to the Ricky Martin-esque lifeguard, but the evil Miroslava Montemar (Fake Boobs) made the chicken run off. (I bring up the lifeguard because I think he may have impregnated Valeria's sister, who IS NOT the girl he was getting engaged to.) I don't know why Miroslava wanted to mess with the lifeguard's engagement because I thought her goal in life was to win the heart of Leopoldo and make Valeria miserable. So.....I either need to learn Spanish really quickly, or I need to figure out how to turn on the English closed captioning on the TV. I think learning Spanish might be easier.....

One More Thing

After a 13 hour trip envolving screaming, a muddy diaper blow-out, stopped interstate traffic, torrential downpours, cloud to ground lightning (which is GREAT FOR DRIVING IN THE DARK), and a cracked windshield......all I could think was, "Just get through till tomorrow; "Valeria" will be on, and something will be right in the world."

"Valeria" wasn't on today. Thanks, Univision. Thanks so much.

Neck Crumbs

Jonas is over due for his weekly bath....he has crumbs in his neck rolls. Maybe I shouldn't eat crackers when holding him.

Milestone

Jonas slept in his crib last night. In his room. All by himself. Cheers to me for letting him do it!

Mac and Me

I don't really have anything to say right now because I'm tired from packing up all our crap to leave South Carolina, I'm sad to be leaving Joe & Renee & Miss Abby & The Sassy Knitter, I'm in "Valeria" withdrawals until Monday, and I really need to go to bed so I can wake up in about four hours to feed Jonas.  And we need to leave EARLY tomorrow as it will take 12 HOURS, at least, to get home, and Jason has to go back to work on Monday.  However, I wanted to blog from the World's Most Awesome Mac one more time, as I will miss it greatly until Thanksgiving.  Unless I pack up the baby and come back down here without Jason before then.  Really, though......Jonas and I don't actually have to go home tomorrow.  We could just stay here until Joe & Renee get tired of me (or tired of me forcing them to watch Spanish tv all night) and kick me out, and I could borrow one of their cars to go home since they've got an extra one for Clarice the Wonder Dog/Pony.  (She's huge.  She's old.  She needs her own car.  Don't ask.)

Bamboo

I hope everyone had a good Fourth of July.  We barely stayed awake for the fireworks on tv, but Jonas loved them.

Renee (Booboo) has nicknamed the little one "Bamboo" because he grows like it.  So much so, that not even a full week ago, I knit him two pairs of socks....and now neither pair fits him.  Can't say I'll be knitting many more baby socks.  (Although it takes mere hours to knit a pair, the lifespan is just too short!)

Unfortunately for my pocketbook, I discovered a brick and mortar Babies r Us yesterday.  Wow.  I can resist the temptation online, but not in real life.  I ran in the store for two things- a baby sunhat and a pair of baby sunglasses.  I left with two hats, two pairs of glasses, a football onesie (for my little linebacker), sunscreen, formula, The Hungry Catepillar, and a box of animal cookies (a little something for Mom and Dad and Poppa and Booboo).  Booboo left the store with a stack of footed longies, a sleepsack, a cow toy, a lambie blanket, a pacifier leash....Somehow we managed to resist the lure of the HALLOWEEN COSTUMES that were displayed prominently at the front of the store.

Renee and I have already made our ritual visit to Hobby Lobby.  I was very good.  I only bought a couple of balls of sock yarn (this was before Bamboo's feet grew again) and some cotton yarn for baby-themed washcloths (to be given as a gift).  I haven't dived into this South Carolina stash of yarn, yet, because I've already thrown something soft and something pink on the needles.  But shhh, I can't tell too much about it or the recipient's mother won't be surprised.

I still have a visit to The Sassy Knitter on Wednesday to show off Jonas and his stripey sweater.  The owner, Karen, helped me pick out the pattern and yarn last Thanksgiving, and I promised to bring in the finished product on my little model.  The color of the month is red, so there's 20% off all red yarn right now.  Hmmm....just so happens I need 8 balls of red wool to knit Jonas an adorable winter set......

Hey, Lora, where are pictures of Jonas?  A, I'm not on my computer.  B, I've run out of space on my laptop (!), so I can't put on any new pictures (or music, for that matter) until I take the time to do something about it.  Maybe I'll get to it this week while I have four extra hands to hold onto the baby.

*sniffle*

Karl Malden died. That makes me so sad. Even though he was an ancient 97 years old. My favorite Karl Malden movie was "Dead Ringer" with Bette Davis. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it!

We'll Be Safe In The Caves

I can't give you an update on 'Valeria' because I'm already behind in watching it, and it's only Wednesday. I did see that on Monday's episode Fake-Boobs took the chicken to the park with her....

Saturday, My Merry Trio went to Lexington for Kristy P's birthday party. It's the first time I've been to her new house. She's done a lot of work on it to fix it up and update it; it's gorgeous. I lust after her house. I took plenty of pictures so I can steal all of her decorating ideas. Besides the house, the company was excellent: Kristy P & her bf Chris, Jennifer & Robbie, Emily H & Brian, Jason R, Niantha (surely spelled incorrectly), and some other people who's names I didn't catch. We had an in-depth discussion on Vampires vs Zombies. (It felt so good to be with "my people" again.) Somebody there has a real phobia of zombies, but I won't say who. All I can say is that he is very lucky that we live in the state with the largest cave system in the entire world since the official zombie handbook suggests hiding in caves to escape the dangers of the zombies.

Jonas and I had a nice long walk on Monday. We went all the way to the Circle K just so that I could get a 73 cent diet Coke from the fountain. It was worth it. We also swung by Lincolns Loft, where I had amassed a whopping $10.25 in book credits so I got Jonas A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein. (His Silverstein collection is almost complete.) Unfortunately a side effect of all this walking is......I'm getting a tan. Yuck.

I went to the allergist yesterday. I am officially allergic to dust, pollen, and mold. Big surprise. However, I am not allergic to one specific type of dust, pollen, or mold. I'm only allergic to them as a whole. (Weirdo.) On top of that, my rash has nothing to do with those allergens. Dr Le said that the rash looks like a type of rash that presents itself in childhood. As in, if it is that rash, it's totally weird for a 30-year-old woman to have it. (Which further proves the label of Weirdo.)

Now on to the life lesson of the day. Or actually the life lesson of last night.....When you are holding a drooling baby, never hold it up in the air over your face while opening your mouth wide to make ridiculous coo-ing noises at the baby to try to make it laugh. You just might end up with baby drool in your mouth. And that's really gross. Even more gross than having the baby poop on your hand. Trust me.